Helicopter Simulation - Help Wanted - Project Manager for a Flight Simulator

Help Wanted - Project Manager for a Flight Simulator
By Jordan Moore
Dec 16, 2007, 00:41

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HELP WANTED

Company: Major software development corporation and creator of one of the longest-running software titles in the genre of Flight Simulation.

Position Title: Project Manager and Community Relations

Position Description: Responsible for the day-to-day managment of various software and product development objectives as well as regular interaction with the thriving community that supports and uses Flight Simulator products from the company.

Core Skills Required:

1. Unclear ideas and poor communication skills

2. Ability to patronize highly respected members of the community

3. Ignorance of long-standing desires within the flight simulation development and user community

Other Desired Skills:

Candidate should be able to avoid responding directly to simple questions by endlessly arguing grammatical or symantic details.

Candidate should be able to keep track of statements made privately to parties under NDA agreements and parties in the open public. Making sure these statements never match, and cause as much possible frustration for all involved is a plus.

Candidate will be expected to be very sensitive and use the "personal attack" defensive position when discussing difficult technical or political problems within the product user and developer communities.

Candidate should have hubris in spades while demonstrating a complete lack of understanding for the community that uses and/or develops compelling add-on content for the company's product.

Candidate should maintain an obscure personal blog where important information regarding the product will be posted, that way anytime someone in the broader community is not aware of such information, they will be admonished for not keeping up.

Candidate should be blissfully unaware of the advances made in other gaming software in recent years. Should have a solid collection of excuses as to why the company's product does far less than other gaming software, yet performs so poorly on the typical gaming PC.

Candidate should attempt to awkwardly inject cool new buzzwords into heated discussions regarding obvious shortcomings in the company's products. Words like "bits" and "goo" are especially desired. Any other words that make the candidate seem cool within the company, but very lame to anybody in the "real" development world are highly desired.

Candidate should be a forward looking visionary with the ability to think of a product not as a single unified working solution, but as a split-up mess of roughly compatible patches ensuring that no two users or developers can ever expect the same experience with the product or its behavior.

Candidate should have at least one very long arm for easy patting of his/her own back. This will be required after each software release, and as such will be needed quite frequently.